Love and Marriage
100 plus Ingredients of a Growing and Onward Moving Relationship
Place your marriage first: when you do this everything else will fall into place.
Marriage is not thinking alike, but thinking together.
There will always be differences between you - your aims, ambitions and desires. Only together can these be accomplished. Share common goals.
Discover that you are not only husband and wife, but also best friends.
Learn to trust and to be trustworthy.
Be open towards each other - never hide things.
Give your spouse your time and attention before anything else.
Simply appreciate one another. Learn how to express appreciation; learn how to give criticism constructively, sensitively and honestly and most of all learn how to accept criticism without resentment or retaliation.
By giving each other daily acts of care, concern, love, listening and personal attention you will create a romantic environment.
It is always the little things that really matter.
Learn to listen to each other. Listen to how he/she feels about his/her greatest hopes for the future. Listen to how he/she feels about his/her childhood. Remember: for many the definition of 'listening' is waiting for a turn to speak.
By being flexible in your marriage you will help to deepen your relationship together.
Plan things together.
Make the most of unexpected opportunities.
Set aside "quality" time together each day just for you two.
Make a list of things you do together that bring you joy and set dates to do them.
Seek ways to be alone together out of the home [i.e. take one week's holiday or take a day off towards a long weekend away].
Appreciate every minute you can steal away together, especially when you have children.
Never allow children into the bedroom without knocking, consider a small bolt on the door.
Go out for coffee and reminisce about a day/date/special event you both had that you will never forget.
Communicate in love often.
When it comes to making love recognize that it takes two to tango: insisting that the hockey game plays in the background does not create a romantic environment any more than wearing an old, full length, flannelette nightdress!
Greet each other with a kiss.
Always kiss goodbye.
Cuddle often.
Laugh together.
Use endearments as part of ordinary speech.
Hold hands or walk arm-in-arm together, in public and in private.
A hug causes energizing oxygen to course through your body!
Warm 'hellos' and tender 'goodbyes' are the best greetings and farewells.
When arriving home greet your spouse before children, cat, dog etc. Prepare for each other's coming home.
Surprise each other with small gifts.
Often bring to your remembrance what you first loved about each other.
Husbands, tell her that you love her - often: wives appreciate things that are romantic.
Wives appreciate the husband you have: husbands resent negative comparisons to old boyfriends or movie stars.
Hey Guys, realize that offering a listening ear is all a woman needs at times!
Put the best effort into the communication system within your marriage.
Be courteous.
Gentlemen, phone her up from work just to tell her you love her; OR Ladies, phone him up from work just to tell him you love him.
Encourage each other.
Listen to how she feels about the amount of time you spend with her.
Try not communicate across a room but rather sit on a comfortable seat together.
Offer to take the kids out on Saturday.
Each of you set aside some quiet time for yourself with the other looking after the children. Men, remember that babysitting is something your neighbour's daughter does for pocket-money; looking after your own kids is called ‘parenting’!
By giving your spouse space when he or she needs it will gain you a happier spouse, but don't try to understand why!
Say 'thank you' for something your husband/wife has done which usually you take for granted. Thank her for a meal you have enjoyed. Thank him for some plumbing, carpentry, decorating just completed.
Cook a meal for her, and then do the washing up.
Talk about what each of you thinks is "romantic."
Write your husband/wife a love letter for Valentine's Day, or any other day for that matter!
Don't miss a birthday or special day. Write them on a calendar.
Celebrate special events - and invent a few! A gift will make your spouse feel loved, not because of the cost but because of the thought that goes into it.
Put realistic times together in your diaries - don't leave them to chance.
Have a "just for two" candlelight dinner.
Take a bubble bath together with candles and wine!
Take a dancing class together.
Unplug the TV and the computer and simply spend time enjoying and appreciating each other. Better still, get rid of the TV and enjoy a great marriage!
Seek out holidays/vacations that not only combine fun for the children but also allow time for just you two.
Develop a circle of babysitters.
Cook exciting meals or eat out at a different type of restaurant for dinner - Italian, Indian, fish etc.
Share each one another’s burdens, hopes, desires etcetera, no matter how inconsequential or impractical they may seem.
If you have a faith, pray together regularly.
Have a common faith or Spiritual foundation.
Husbands love your wife, wife respect your husband.
He/she who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honour. Proverbs 21:21
Husbands learn how to be in love with your wife. Then apply it to her - and tell her of your love. Wives learn, and apply, respect for your husband.
Deepen your marriage relationship by encouraging and praising your wife.
Tell your wife that she looks good.
A husband's basic need is to be told that you respect and admire him.
Work out finances together.
Do not prefer your career above your family.
Most jobs eventually get boring, dull and repetitive. Marriage is the thing that gives life its zest and meaning.
As individuals, do not take on too many activities outside the home. When any are taken on only do so after discussion between you both as to time involvement, demands etcetera.
Share chores - away with the "that's your job/my job" mentality.
No one has yet won any gold medals for dusting ability or fuse mending, yet each is a part of making a home welcoming.
When forgiveness is truly necessary, forgive as quickly as you can.
It has been said that commitment creates an island of certainty in swirling waters.
Discuss those habits that annoy and modify your behaviour.
Seek forgiveness, repent if necessary, restore when required.
First look at his/her good points before considering the few bad ones.
Recognize that no one is perfect yet! Not even you… your husband/wife has faults just as you do.
Quickly learn how to resolve issues - do not bury them, as they will come up somewhere, sometime, somehow!
Show your love and affection to each other before your children. This way they will learn the real thing and not what is often portrayed on TV and in novels. They in turn will apply it into their marriage.
Avoid arguments or quarrels in front of your children.
A neglected wife can never be 'warmed up' by technique or atmosphere; she needs your time and attention.
Both agree before starting a family and before additional children are conceived.
Never use negative phrases to refer to your spouse.
PMS: Recognize the effect the menstrual cycle will have on your wife; anticipate her period and understand her through it.
If you have young children at home, the first adult conversation your husband/wife will probably have all day is with you when you come home from work, so give him/her time and space to express herself.
Go window-shopping in another town, that way you will find your spouse's likes and dislikes.
For those who have inherited a family through re-marriage the foregoing is even more important and will need much attention in the early days.
The oil that lubricates any love relationship is forgiveness.
Forgiveness begins with a simple decision, an act of the will.
Both partners should never nag.
Never say anything to anyone about your spouse that you would not say to him/her directly.
Never be negative about your spouse - especially in front of others or behind his/her back.
Do not criticize your husband/wife in front of others.
If criticism drips unchecked then love dies by inches.
Do not listen to criticism of your partner from anyone - especially not from parents or in-laws.
Never allow your parents a key and free access to your house.
In order to build your marriage on a solid base, think and talk in terms of "forever" and "till death parts us".
Together make the house into a home.
Your home should be one that you both enjoy and feel free to invite people into.
God has designed marriage to be a happy, joyful, lasting and rewarding relationship. If you have anything less you are being robbed.
Marriage has been described as "The toughest job you will ever love."
RETURN TO SERVING YOU AND THE COMMUNITY
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